Thursday, August 20, 2009

Come Fly With Me =)

Tonight I’m writing my 2nd post between the clouds, announcing the end of a very nice trip, I’m going back home =D.

I came back from the place which was going to give me my dream, though I can’t see the clouds because it’s a night flight seeing all the darkness with tiny lights every now and then make me think of RA, I don’t think that I’m being pessimistic when I Think aof RA as the darkness and the tiny lights are the moments when I think that I won’t feel the pains of RA again or the chances that I will get to take back part from my life before RA , these tiny lights are so precious because I know how dark it can get sometimes .

Those tiny lights make me think about my last chance to fulfill my biggest dream, and how I let it go, by my will, I become to accept that maybe this dream wasn’t right for me, maybe I’ll have a better life seeking another one, maybe it wasn't meant to be , but the idea that I let go of this dream because of RA fills my heart with sadness , a real sadness that sometimes so intense that it converts to physical pain , not the RA pain but headaches and pain in the eyes because I’m preventing myself from crying , I just can’t cry anymore because it’s not helping me like it did before , it’s frustrating that I cry and cry and cry but I feel that I still have a huge load on my chest .

I think I’m and will be stuck in the denial area for a quit long time, I’m ok with it, because my RA made me know that after each flare the is a long remission, night is followed by light; life isn’t pain free, life keeps on teaching me lessons in all ways and god gave me the privilege of having recess and to know when to stop and when to start again.

RA is a two sided thing, and I think i'm enjoying the good side =).

Stay tuned for another RA princess fairytale .

Thursday, August 13, 2009

The First Post in My First Blog

This is my first post , I’m writing it while I’m in vacation , from a coffee shop , I don’t know what to say at first , I think I should introduce myself , I’m a young girl of as rheumatoid arthritis guy says : a superhero , and as I see myself a “RA Princess” , I started this blog loooong after I got RA , I think I started it because of RA .

I really feel like I can’t start by telling my story with RA , I feel like I told it a million time that I picture it as a short movie , a silly one . How wired! The thing that changed my whole life, the thing that changed as a person seems like nothing, I think I feel this way because people think that there is no serious disease other than cancer, people keep on telling me “You’re too young to have ARTHRITIS” ,” Everybody has a little bit of arthritis” , “I know exactly how you feel... (Insert a story here)”, “I think maybe you are so focused on what is hurting right now; you are just feeling it so much more”, "Is it really *that* bad?”, “it’s all in your head” ….. And the list goes on.

First of all , it’s not “ARTHRITIS” , and I’m sure that not everybody have a little bit of it , because it’s an “All or none” thing , moreover , nobody knows how “I” feel unless they have it , and even if they do have it differs from person to person , finally it’s not in my head and it’s really really hurt SO bad .

People keep on thinking about RA as nothing , I really hate it , because it’s a life changing disease and as long as it strike you you’ll have to change your whole life , it made me change my whole life plan .

I know that all RA people knows what I’m talking about , and there is no use of saying all those stuff , so I try not to give a big deal for what people say because all RA bloggers are here and will be here for me , I wish so (A).

For a first post I whined a lot and after I read it again I find it very confusing , but I’ll keep it as it is , it’s my first post and it’s from the heart , so, stay tuned for my next post , I hope it will be a batter one :$ .