Tonight I’m writing my 2nd post between the clouds, announcing the end of a very nice trip, I’m going back home =D.
I came back from the place which was going to give me my dream, though I can’t see the clouds because it’s a night flight seeing all the darkness with tiny lights every now and then make me think of RA, I don’t think that I’m being pessimistic when I Think aof RA as the darkness and the tiny lights are the moments when I think that I won’t feel the pains of RA again or the chances that I will get to take back part from my life before RA , these tiny lights are so precious because I know how dark it can get sometimes .
Those tiny lights make me think about my last chance to fulfill my biggest dream, and how I let it go, by my will, I become to accept that maybe this dream wasn’t right for me, maybe I’ll have a better life seeking another one, maybe it wasn't meant to be , but the idea that I let go of this dream because of RA fills my heart with sadness , a real sadness that sometimes so intense that it converts to physical pain , not the RA pain but headaches and pain in the eyes because I’m preventing myself from crying , I just can’t cry anymore because it’s not helping me like it did before , it’s frustrating that I cry and cry and cry but I feel that I still have a huge load on my chest .
I think I’m and will be stuck in the denial area for a quit long time, I’m ok with it, because my RA made me know that after each flare the is a long remission, night is followed by light; life isn’t pain free, life keeps on teaching me lessons in all ways and god gave me the privilege of having recess and to know when to stop and when to start again.
RA is a two sided thing, and I think i'm enjoying the good side =).
Stay tuned for another RA princess fairytale .